Never Good Enough
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: I left my home, my friends, and my life behind for you. I gave up my hopes and dreams. I turned against my own kind. Now, I'm more than you could ever hope to be. Whether you live or die is in my hands now. SasuSaku, angst galore.


**My Super-Awesome Oneshot Number 2!**

Never Good Enough

* * *

_It's raining. A light, misty downpour. As if the sky itself is weeping._

Tears, rain and blood. All running together, creating a single river. Where so many dreams have come to drown.

_Do you remember the last time it rained like this? It was before you left…_

Before you became a traitor to what used to be _our_ village…

_It was all of us, together…you probably wouldn't remember such a trivial memory, but I do…_

Why are you so surprised? Did you really think I could just forget about you? Your heart wasn't in this village, and mine just _had_ to follow yours wherever it went…

_You looked so sad back then, with the raindrops streaming down your face. You looked like you were crying. I'd never seen you cry before, so I assumed that's what it'd be like…_

I couldn't stay. Not in the place you had left without as much as a backwards glance. So I went looking for you. Hoping that if I did, you'd think I wasn't weak at all. That I was just as good as you were for leaving everything behind.

_I don't see you. You're not here. In your place is that child standing out in the rain, praying no-one will notice his tears._

It was hard, I'll admit. Every day I spent searching for you. Ever night I spent hiding, knowing the village would send out shinobi to come find me, just as they would for you. I almost wished their stories were true, that you and I _had_ run off together, not just me chasing a dream of you.

_You didn't shout at me when I tried to comfort you back then. You let me say and do stupid things, attempting to cheer you up. I wanted to make you smile so badly…_

It ended somewhere between then and now. You moved on, you found something that promised you what you wanted, though deep inside you knew it was all a lie. I wish I could have had your ignorance.

_You told me once. You said it with just two words. "Thank you." I couldn't figure out what it meant, but now I know…_

I stand before you once again. Though this time, it's your turn as the shattered being I once was. I'm not a child anymore. I'm not a weak, needy, clingy tagalong who worships the very ground you stand on.

_Deep inside, I still hold out hope, though I've beaten it down so many times I'm not sure it's there anymore…the tiny, fluttering hope that there was still something left…some shred of light in an ocean of darkness, some one-in-a-million chance that you'd come back…_

Don't act so astonished. After all, it _was_ you who taught me how to be cold-hearted and ruthless. It was a surprisingly easy part to play. I _did_ learn how to conceal my emotions, just the way you did.

_My barriers aren't as strong as they seem…behind these walls I'm still the same…but I could never penetrate your shields, so you can't get through mine…_

This is the final hope of the prestigious Uchiha clan. I suppose that's what you are, considering you finally killed your brother. Were you proud of yourself? Did you feel any regret? After all, that _was_ the whole reason you left.

_Please…just…get up, don't just kneel there…take me in your arms and tell me everything's going to be all right…can't you see that I still love you?_

You can stare all you want. I clench my hand in a fist, glaring right back at you. Your eyes are riveted to the black and red ring on my right hand.

_This is the greatest challenge I can give you. Can you overcome it? The fact that I took his place?_

Once I proved my worth, they were happy to accept me. Unlike you. They were considered bigger criminals than you, and yet you were colder than all of them combined.

_It was almost like being back in the village again…there was laughter, happiness, the occasional rude joke. Everyone fears their names, all they've ever heard of is the ominous shadow known as the Akatsuki…_

Each and every one of them was a real person, with fears, insecurities, and _emotions_. Yes, they even told me stories of the one whose ring I'm wearing. Other than the vision of a mad killer you had branded into your mind.

_But it was all so empty…I missed you so much I wanted to cry…it's funny, I missed your cold indifference, your arrogant presence, because it reminded me of the home I could never return to…_

So go ahead. Stare. Get up. Leave your weapon embedded on its latest victim. Have memories of the person I used to be flash through your mind. I'm more than ready for you now.

_Just say it. Please, if nothing else in this world answers my prayers ever again, just say it…say you'll come home, say you're done living this life you've fallen into, say we're still your friends, say…say those three little words…_

It's funny. You look absolutely worn out, like every last drop of energy you have is gone. You look a lot older than just eighteen. I suppose it was all those years of carrying so many burdens you created yourself that did it.

_I wanted to be there. I wanted to be the one who would come running up to you after training with a wet towel and encouraging words. It didn't matter if I never would've learned everything I know now, your happiness would be my happiness. I might have even supported you while you were weak from using a fatal jutsu on your sibling…_

This time it's not just the rain. You really are crying. For what, tell me that. For seeing me? Seeing what you unintentionally created? You should've been more shocked to find out your ex-best friend finally became Hokage. But it doesn't matter to you, does it?

_I could've been there to heal your burns after your curse mark disappeared. But of course, you had killed the only medic-nin in the Sound village. You set yourself up for another wave of suffering. You always did go the whole mile, even if it meant breaking down inside. Even if it meant an ugly burn scar where the mark used to be would forever impair your ability to throw straight. I could fix it now, if I wanted…but you have to prove yourself to me first._

You say my name. It's not in scorn, or hatred. It's not in affection, as I had secretly hoped it would be. It's pleading, begging. You know you're going to die if I don't heal you.

_I can't bear to see you like this. If you must lie, then lie. Do it only because you don't want to breathe your last so early in your life. Lie to me. Even if it is all fake, I'm so desperate to hear it I'll do anything you want. You know what I want you to say._

You're asking for _my_ help. Mine. Remember the little girl who told you she loved you? She was pleading just as much as you are right now when she begged you not to leave her. Of course, you just couldn't handle that much _emotion_. So you left. You left her all by herself, with nothing to do but pledge to someday make you realize just what you had done.

_You tore out my heart, but I still want you to live…please, don't kill yourself as readily as you killed him…I want you to live because I love you with every fragment of my broken heart!_

You say you need me now? Gee, I hadn't noticed. Nothing in this life is free, pal. You have to work, and work hard for it. I labored my sad little tail off trying to catch your attention back then. You ignored me. You told me I was weak, useless, even more so than the one you tried to kill after you left.

_I want to believe you've changed, but I know it's impossible. A person doesn't just suddenly receive a complete personality overhaul. And yet, my childish mind still wished for the impossible. Maybe not you boldly declaring your undying love to me, but just allowing me to be your friend would've convinced me._

You're coughing up blood now. Without help, you're not going to last another few hours. You never showed any fear of death before, but now you are. I can see your wide eyes, your ragged breathing. I've already seen so many pass away, I know the symptoms.

_If you go now, you'll never make it to heaven…I want to at least give you a chance, but it'll take years you won't have the luxury of living if you don't talk to me…_

I walk towards you, slowly and deliberately. Past the piles of corpses _you_ created. If you had just come back after achieving your goal of becoming the last of your clan, maybe this wouldn't have happened. It would've been hard, you would've been shunned for a while by the others you left behind. You might have wondered what on earth gave you the idea of returning to where nobody wanted you.

_But I wanted you…of course I would've been mad at you, but it would've passed a lot faster than the other's disdain. There's no way I could stop loving you, I would be the first to welcome you back with open arms after you learned I wasn't your emotional screwup anymore. I wanted it to be that way, I wanted to show you how strong I became, how many jutsu I had mastered, because lord knows it's the only thing that had even a hope of impressing you._

I'm standing over you now. You're lying on your stomach, you've lost the strength to move. Your eyes are already glazed over, staring off into space. The only thing keeping you alive is your lungs, but those will fail soon enough.

_I wish I could cry for you…but that would require showing emotions, something you just couldn't figure out. So I'll cry on the inside._

I have every reason to just sit where I'm crouching and watch you choke on your own blood. Isn't that what you did? After you stabbed the killer of your family? Or were you unconscious by then? If you did, did you enjoy watching the life drain out of someone you never thought would be this close to death?

_You have no idea how much I want to just take your hand and say "It's all right, you're going to be fine. Don't worry, I'll save you. I won't let you die, I promise."_

Two words? That's all you can manage now? I thought Uchihas were made of tougher stuff than this. "Help me." It sounds pathetic, coming from you. The one who just had to do everything by himself. Who only cared about his own ambitions and would do anything to reach them.

_I tried to become the one I replaced. To show you I could do anything. But I suppose you did a better job of it than I ever could. You slowly killed the ones who cared about you most, if not in the literal sense. The ones who admired you, who were willing to make the tiny everyday sacrifices friends make for one another. You murdered their hearts, if not their bodies._

I give you a simple, monosyllabic response. Just the kind you would've given me. I ask you "Why?" but it conveys so much more. Why should I do this, save the one who broke my heart? Why do I still love you, even through everything you've done? Why can't you see in letting you die, I'm letting a piece of my soul die as well? Why can't you just show some feelings at this critical point in your soon-to-be-short existence?

_Don't die on me, please, give yourself a chance at life!_

You close your eyes, but you're not quite gone yet. When they open again, more tears join the raindrops. You're looking at me now like I'm the last person left alive on the planet. After another cough, you respond with twice as many words as before. "Because you love me."

_You know that. You knew it ever since I held my very soul out for you on a fragile hope. And you went and crushed my world._

"Maybe I did, once," I reply. I have to use every ounce of willpower to keep from sending the familiar green healing energy into my palms.

_So much blood…was it like this when you saw your relatives lying dead?_

You turn your head towards me. I'm surprised you can do anything but breathe. But…you're…you're _smiling_.

_I had thought I taped the pieces of my heart back together…and you just shattered it again._

"Heh…you haven't…(cough) changed at all…"

_You're completely heartless. You could use anything in our language and you choose what you said to me before you left as your dying words. I hate you._

"That makes me…happy…"

_What are you talking about? You've never been happy a day in your life._

"If…(cough)…you had…become someone else…I'd ha- (cough) I'd have to stop…thinking about…you…"

_Stop trying to toy with my feelings again. It won't save you now._

"I expected…that look…(cough)…is it really…so surprising to find…out I (cough) have emotions too?"

_No…no, stop talking, I can't take it!_

"You were…the only one…"

_You descended into a fit of bloody coughs after that. Something wet landed on my hand. I realized I was crying as well._

Stop it. Stop it, don't tell me now. Don't you _dare_ try to tell me exactly how you felt about me all these years. You hated me. You were embarrassed to even be on the same team as me. My image has no positive connection in your twisted little mind at all.

_Are you lying?_

"The only…"

_Stop talking! You can't be getting through, you just can't!_

"One…"

_Sasuke…_

"For me…"

_Sasuke…thank you._

You're holding on, but just barely. I roll up the sleeves of my cloak, performing a series of hand seals as quickly as humanly possible. My hands glows bright green as I place them over your throat and stomach. I urge the chakra into your wounds, prayers echoing through my mind as I watch the rents slowly knit back together. I wasn't the Sanin's apprentice for nothing.

_Please…don't let me have waited too long._

I keep my hand on your neck even after your breathing stabilizes. My other is closing thousands of tiny cuts all over your body. How you got them all in one battle I'll never know.

_Your eyes are closed again…you could be sleeping if you weren't breathing so shallowly…_

I remove my hand from your neck and, with no hesitation at all, place a fingertip over your circular burn that's all that remains of your curse from Orochimaru. You wince when I touch it, but breathe deeply in relief when the scar dwindles down into nothing.

_Just go to sleep now. It's the best way to regain your energy._

I sit there, surrounded by nameless corpses, with your head in my lap. My fingers play with your hair a little, and I can feel a smile I haven't made in years coming to my face.

_Sleep, Sasuke. I'll take care of you._

They always did say there was a light at the end of every tunnel. I guess it just took me a while to find it.

**The end!**


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